Most people enjoy shopping from time to time, I know a few of my male readers will exclaim to the contrary, but even guys like to go shopping for stuff they want. Recently, my wife and I were on a trip out of town and asked the girl at our hotel where was a beautiful place to shop, little did we know that little Mrs. Reception Desk either has rich parents or this hotel pays better than the State of West Virginia. So here are the top ways you can tell that you have entered a shopping center you couldn’t afford in a million years.
1. They offer you bottled water- Ok guys, red flag #1. If the store you enter cares enough about perception and image that they have ready bottled water for a shopper, just turn right around, disengage eye-contact and leave the store immediately. Amy and I are accustomed to outlet shopping which takes place in stores where you are lucky if the merchandise is currently on the racks. People come through like hurricanes and move shit around where you can’t find anything. If the store is in immaculate shape, and the hipster behind the counter approaches you with water, your wallet can’t handle this place.
2. They have to “explain” how their store works- O shit! This was a new one to me, I was walking around this shopping center and came upon a store that looked pretty cool, it had old-school button up shirts that I like and colorful prints. So Amy and I thought that it wouldn’t hurt to take a look, I walk into the store and 19 year old behind the counter immediately makes eye-contact with me, which I hate because I like to at least see 2 price tags immediately entering any store, that way I can leave and act like I have a poop emergency or that I never really entered the store, it was all a figment of their imagination. Well, sadly for me, I was approached by this kid, and immediately he begins explaining to me how his store “works.” I wanted to lecture the kid that I have a degree in social studies which includes economics, so I know the basic principles of supply, demand, paying for goods, shit like that, but he continues!!! Like kid, shut up and let me leave! But no!!!! The kid explains that the store only has one…ONE, of each of their items they sale. You are to look at their goods, pick what you like, then place an order at the store, the store then sends you the items in the mail. Ummm, in my world that’s called Amazon.
3. The worker immediately wants to talk about the history of the store- Again, I walk into these stores looking at price tags only. I saw a sign that said “all sports coats 50% off”, I was overjoyed for a moment, until I walked into the store. You see, when something if half off of a thousand dollars that still puts it out of my price range, but the guy behind the counter continued to talk about, literally, every piece of clothing in the small store. He brought down the jackets, showed me the hand stitching…you know the drill. I was trapped!! It was like I was the first human this little tailor had seen in five years and he just wanted to show me his over-priced wares.